SIMPLYSALT TO BUY NEOCITIES FOR $10.6B

SALTY SPRINGS, FN—Savvy investor and awesome trillionaire SimplySalt has announced his plans to PURCHASE a well-known web hosting service, NeoCities. He says, "I'm pretty excited to be taking over and turning this into uh- an absolute palace of a website!" Following previous allegations about his web-developing skills being sub-par, he designed the page you're reading RIGHT NOW just to prove himself! How cool is that?

Of course, the allegations remain true. And there's been a serious decline in corporate morale as all of his associates watch him crumble apart during his public speeches, as well as private company meetings.

His own employees have some strong opinions about his mannerisms, self-esteem, and his false claims of being a professional web developer.

HI IM SIMPLYSALT AND I OWN A WEBSITE YAHHHHHHH

Sorry about that, dont know how that got there. Anyway, here's a quick list of reasons for YOU to donate to Mr.Salt's cause.

• He doesn't actually have the money.
• He NEEDS to come up with funding by Q2, otherwise the deal is off.
• He deserves it :D

To learn more about our company plans, contact our CEO directly at iAmAVeryGoodCEO@saltycities.net. He'll be more than happy to answer any questions related to funding (please give him your money)!